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Last update, Dec 31, 2008

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The Elevator Scale
by Rodney Nelson
Album: Elko Disk 1
Visit a site listing some of Rodney's books

The Elevator is referring to a tall building which houses harvested grain. Most are operated as businesses and if you have grain to sell you would weigh it on their weight scale which is large enough to pull a full size truck onto.

Now don't blame me
The blame should fall
On the guilty I'd insist
And the one that caused this grief for me
Was that agg' economist

He claimed my style was obsolete
That mode no longer pays
If I wish to stay in business
I must yield to modern ways

I must keep records every day
Despite the mental strain
Must calculate my feed cost
Know my critters rate of gain

Well the figures I collected
They could drive sane men biserque
Took the pleasure out of ranchin'
And it doubled all my work

I measured something every day
Like what every critter ate
Beauty would't save a brood cow
If her EPDs wern't great

Then we frame sized all the chickens
And we speed bred all the cats
And to maximize production
Kept blue healer begging stats

Records now became a passion
Nothing else was now much fun
Everything I had was measured
That is everything but one

I didn't want to do it
What else am I to say
I started up my pickup truck
And filled it up with hay

I never had a clue that day
That what I did was wrong
When I stopped and asked the missis
If she's like to ride along

She enquired of my intentions
Alright, I lied that day
I'm going to New Salem
Just to weight this load of hay

Well I checked the readout on the scale
As I drove up with my bride
Then I told her sweet as sugar
That she'd have to step outside

She hesitated not a bit
She even acted glad
It was when I checked the scale again
That she knew that she'd been had

Have you ever known the furry
Of a hundred rabid dogs
Or been in a metal building
Where there castratin' hogs

Well you should have heard the screaming
And you should a head her wail
The day I weighed the misses
On the elevator scale

Agg' economist: agricultural economist, one who (supposedly) helps farmers improve their profit margins
Critters rate of gain: how fast his animals grow up and gain weight
Brood cow: one used for breeding
EPD: Expected Progeny Differences more info
Frame sized all the chickens: to sort chickens by the size of their skeletal frame
Blue Healer: an Australian dog breed, in this case how often they begged for food

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